Astonishing!

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction which would normally take less than a second - to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I don't know where this was originally posted, but it's not original. A coworker (and relative) brought it in one day and I had to share it.

Performance Review Time

It's that time again -- my annual Behavior Modification Plan Performance Evaluation is scheduled for next week. I don't know how this works for all of you, but at my company we are given a template listing all of the objectives for our position, and we have to justify with examples how we met every one of the company's expectations over the last year. I think it is designed to challenge the sales abilities of engineers. Or maybe it's intentional Demotivation.

I read somewhere that almost every employee has two weeks out of the year when their performance stinks, they have a bad attitude, and nothing gets done -- and those are the two weeks after their performance evaluation. I know in my personal experience there hasn't been a whole lot of positive feedback from management on any aspect of my work, so I tend to believe it. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me -- I know there's a lot of research out there about people being more productive when they are happy and have the support and tools they need to do their jobs.

Anyway, maybe things will be different this year. I have a new boss doing my evaluation, and he's from Tennessee (I'm in Ohio). I've met him I think three times, and he's been my direct manager for about a year. He seems to be a pretty agreeable guy and I believe he's going to give me a fair chance.

TAXES FILED

Maybe now I can relax a little. I finished filing my federal and state tax returns last night. We'll be getting a nice refund so I wanted to get that out of the way as quickly as possible. Unfortunately every year some piece of documentation doesn't arrive until January 31st so the earliest I could possibly file with my maximum refund is in February.

I used an online service called TaxACT.com. It is a web 2.0 application for Federal and State taxes. I was fairly impressed with the useability of the site, however I was miffed that there was an additional bank fee that wasn't presented up-front. It basically doubled the cost of using their service. I sent them a nastygram about their marketing but I e-filed with them anyway. It definitely saved me time over doing everything by hand like I have in previous years.

Even last year I used a friend's copy of TurboTax to do all the calculations, then I double-checked everything against the IRS paperwork. I guess I don't trust software that tries to simplify things, because simplifying means leaving out details, and leaving out details can cost me money!

Anyway... I wish you all lots of fun with your taxes this year and hope you get money back. And if you see me in early April, ask if I've filed my local and SD taxes yet (I'll pay on those, so I'll let the money sit in the bank for a while longer).

~~~Back to work on a chilly Saturday morning :-)